Post by Katie on Sept 13, 2003 23:06:22 GMT -5
Well, I just have to write tonite cause I gotta get my feelings down on paper.
I quit my job tonite at the answering service---a job I've had for 5 years. It was also a job I really enjoyed and took SO much pride in. It was a job I was very good at. It was the job I got after going on disability and basically vegetating for several years. It was a new beginning for me, and made my confidence soar after feeling like I was a failure at social work---not so much a failure, as I couldn't handle it until retirement which was my aim. So doing this gives me tremendous mixed feelings.
I will just sum up the reasons I quit very briefly here. The manager was stealing the owner blind and then blaming it on everyone else. I stood it as long as I could but now it's over. No one there cares anymore what kind of job they do, and that's a hard environment in which to work. The only person there worth their salt was Mary, my niece, and today was her last day too. So this is the end of an era---I'm trying not to be melodramatic about it right now but I feel scared and yet a tiny bit excited.
I have been eating more than usual today for comfort. I've used a number of flex points that I didn't intend to have used so far, but I'm under control. This is a tremendous improvement over what I would have done in previous years at a time of stress like this, so kudos to me!! In fact, I just got home, after eating a big snack a few minutes before, and I grabbed a bag of chocolate pretzels (NOT a trigger food) and started munching. I even sat down with the bag, and after eating 3 of them, I folded the bag up and put it down. Kudos again!! I'm not hungry AND I don't need to be eating...so I'm writing. Kudo #3!!
Boy, my feelings are all over the place right now! I feel like I'm old (49) and have no job and will never get another job even if I want one because the economy is SOOO bad here right now. And I feel like the job there was perfect for me until it deteriorated. Will I fit in anywhere else?? Then I feel like I can do anything I want and go anywhere I want now---kinda like I felt in my 20's. But I don't want to get in another situation like where I just came from. I feel like the best thing for me is to sell on eBay and try to work towards opening my own store. I just have to pray and seek God's guidance on all this.
I know the answer is not in food---if anything, bingeing makes me feel bloated and worse. And I absolutely HATE the feeling of being bloated. So trading off the emotional feeling of being full for the physical feeling of being bloated is NOT a good bargain!! I don't have a significant other to get hugs and understanding from (I never really have had that in a big way) so I truly believe I've "caressed" myself internally with food for a LONG time. My mother admitted years back that she never hugged us enough, and my father NEVER hugged me til I was grown and now it's like pulling teeth with him. But I do have my dogs and my cat ;D so I've been getting some "little lovins" from them.
That's their specialty!!
I'm off work tomorrow (LOL--I just typed that without thinking--LOL!!); correction, after church I have nothing scheduled, so I'm gonna try to be really, really good to myself.
Well, thanks for listening, whoever is reading this ;D! Onward and downward!!
I quit my job tonite at the answering service---a job I've had for 5 years. It was also a job I really enjoyed and took SO much pride in. It was a job I was very good at. It was the job I got after going on disability and basically vegetating for several years. It was a new beginning for me, and made my confidence soar after feeling like I was a failure at social work---not so much a failure, as I couldn't handle it until retirement which was my aim. So doing this gives me tremendous mixed feelings.
I will just sum up the reasons I quit very briefly here. The manager was stealing the owner blind and then blaming it on everyone else. I stood it as long as I could but now it's over. No one there cares anymore what kind of job they do, and that's a hard environment in which to work. The only person there worth their salt was Mary, my niece, and today was her last day too. So this is the end of an era---I'm trying not to be melodramatic about it right now but I feel scared and yet a tiny bit excited.
I have been eating more than usual today for comfort. I've used a number of flex points that I didn't intend to have used so far, but I'm under control. This is a tremendous improvement over what I would have done in previous years at a time of stress like this, so kudos to me!! In fact, I just got home, after eating a big snack a few minutes before, and I grabbed a bag of chocolate pretzels (NOT a trigger food) and started munching. I even sat down with the bag, and after eating 3 of them, I folded the bag up and put it down. Kudos again!! I'm not hungry AND I don't need to be eating...so I'm writing. Kudo #3!!
Boy, my feelings are all over the place right now! I feel like I'm old (49) and have no job and will never get another job even if I want one because the economy is SOOO bad here right now. And I feel like the job there was perfect for me until it deteriorated. Will I fit in anywhere else?? Then I feel like I can do anything I want and go anywhere I want now---kinda like I felt in my 20's. But I don't want to get in another situation like where I just came from. I feel like the best thing for me is to sell on eBay and try to work towards opening my own store. I just have to pray and seek God's guidance on all this.
I know the answer is not in food---if anything, bingeing makes me feel bloated and worse. And I absolutely HATE the feeling of being bloated. So trading off the emotional feeling of being full for the physical feeling of being bloated is NOT a good bargain!! I don't have a significant other to get hugs and understanding from (I never really have had that in a big way) so I truly believe I've "caressed" myself internally with food for a LONG time. My mother admitted years back that she never hugged us enough, and my father NEVER hugged me til I was grown and now it's like pulling teeth with him. But I do have my dogs and my cat ;D so I've been getting some "little lovins" from them.
That's their specialty!!I'm off work tomorrow (LOL--I just typed that without thinking--LOL!!); correction, after church I have nothing scheduled, so I'm gonna try to be really, really good to myself.
Well, thanks for listening, whoever is reading this ;D! Onward and downward!!